To be loved means to be yourself. You don't have to be loved by others. You have to love yourself. When you are born a lotus flower, be a lotus flower, not a magnolia flower. If you seek validation, acceptance, recognition, status and reward from others and constantly adjust yourself to fit in to what other people want you to/think you should be to get these; you will continue to suffer all your Life. Fulfillment, satisfaction, equanimity and peace-of-mind… your true, authentic-self; is the result of understanding yourself, knowing who you are and what you can and can't (and will and won't) do/be and having confidence and belief in your ability to do/be so. • Thich Nhat Hanh •
Answer by Sunny Karir:
Despite having an IQ of 173 I've failed my driving test 6 times…! I think this sums up the frustrations of being 'in my head' an awful lot. Other things suck too – I have a PhD from Oxford but I dumb-down for guys. I've spent a lot of time trying to look pretty – so as to seem more like a normal girl; I even modeled for a bit, hoping to attract men (rather than scare them off, as I seemed to do naturally).
I wonder whether women have it harder when they are stupid-smart. I have a painfully empathetic nature and it feels overwhelming to watch the news every day, and see the world in all it's horrific abandon. On a micro-level though, I'm incredibly nosy about people and I know my EQ is high in certain areas (discernment) but low in management of emotions – both mine and that of others.
I was an immigrant kid and grew up in the ghetto – I spent my entire childhood trying to read invisibly in the corner. I once ran away from home – and they found me in the library (it was the only place I knew)… I don't fit in with my family, nor with my ethnic community. I always feel out of step – and I used to try really damn hard to be 'acceptable' if not quite cool.
Now after failing at that, and various other life-steps, I've discovered Buddhist literature – and I might finally be accepting of me and things as they are.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself.You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. When you are born a lotus flower, be a beautiful lotus flower, don't try to be a magnolia flower. If you crave acceptance and recognition and try to change yourself to fit what other people want you to be, you will suffer all your life. True happiness and true power lie in understanding yourself, accepting yourself, having confidence in yourself.” –