Answer by Ross Cohen:
He's a buffoon. Virtually every sentence out of his mouth is unintentionally funny. He exaggerates everything. He's like a cross between a sketchy used car salesman and a kooky grandpa who randomly blurts out racist statements.
But he's not a kooky grandpa, he's actually a toddler in an adult's body, self-absorbed and petulant. He's either the most famous egotistical person or the most egotistical famous person, it's hard to know which. His arrogance is legendary. He's the personification of vainglory. His relentless self-promotion knows no bounds. He's rich yet insecure and wants everyone to bow to his greatness, the type of guy who feels disrespected if everyone around him doesn't kiss his ass. He's the kind of guy who would be irritated if someone implied he had even slightly less money, power, or success than he tries to project.
If he were a dictator, he'd be like one of the Kims from North Korea, making all the school children learn how he shot 18 straight holes-in-one on his very first golf outing and disappearing anyone who dared question his greatness. If he were president, his thin skin would get us into a new war every time he felt snubbed. If he could be a state, he'd be Idaho because it starts with I, California or Kentucky because they're known for gold, Alaska because it's the biggest or Texas because he thinks that's the biggest.
He's a wonderful gift to late night comedians, but he's actually impossible to caricature because he already is a caricature. Jon Stewart joked that he would redo the outside of the White House in all gold to "class up the joint" — it's funny but also seems a little too plausible, like something he would actually do. All his properties are gaudy and over-the-top, with his name added to the top in giant letters.
Sometimes his vanity, thin skin, and tastelessly over-the-top ostentatiousness combine for a truly delicious spectacle, such as happened last fall when Trump erected a 20 foot high sign with his name on a building, "half the length of a football field…"
When the sign first took shape, one letter at a time over the course of several weeks earlier this summer, outrage began to build in a city that prizes its architectural views like Boston does its colonial character or New Orleans its jazz scene. Mayor Rahm EmanuelThe skyscraper's architect, Adrian Smith, let it be known that . The Chicago Tribune's Blair Kamin , prompting a very bizarre feud — and an — wherein Trump himself called the Pulitzer Prize-winner a
If we want a president who lashes out at the slightest criticism, he's our man. If you think presidential temperament is important, behold his twitter feed, where he's attacked everyone he doesn't like, routinely gets into public spats, responds to every insult, no matter who they're from, and often with incorrect facts. If he's so busy and important, how does he have time for all those internet flame wars?
He's also really classy:
He has zero credibility and is still an Obama birther long after others have given up. He once claimed to have sent investigators to Hawaii and that we "won't believe what they're finding!" Somehow, years after those statements, we've still yet to get the chance to believe what they "found."
Of course that isn't his only conspiracy theory:
He recently said he has the perfect plan to destroy ISIS but it's a secret because he doesn't want them to know what he's going to do if he wins. Nixon said he had a secret plan to win Vietnam, but he was either lying or wrong. Once on The West Wing, a smug character puts his foot in his mouth, stretches the truth and somehow backs himself into a verbal corner where he found himself saying, "yes, the president has a secret plan to fight inflation." That was a fictional situation and a funny one at that, but Trump really says these things and we'll be getting a lot more of it in the comedy, I mean campaign to come.
This week he paid actors to cheer for him at his campaign announcement.
The sad thing is he's making himself an even bigger punchline than he already was, and he really doesn't like to be the butt of the joke. He's attended the last few White House Correspondence Dinners and always ends up a target, much to his chagrin:
Trump, unlike the rest of the room, did not find any of it particularly amusing. Instead of diffusing any awkwardness by flashing a good-natured smile, he sat completely still and stone-faced through every punchline—so still and stone-faced, in fact, that we question whether The Washington Post brought a life-size marble bust of Trump to the dinner instead of The Apprentice impresario himself.
Thanks for the A2A, this was an easy one.
Another classic Trumpism just this week:
“There’s nobody bigger or better at the military than I am,” said the owner of 5 draft deferments. I don't know how he can be so modest when all the other candidates are so filled with bluster.